i just wanna soil my oats bro
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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