I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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