SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The Olympian is in my bed
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
