i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
