Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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