ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
