If i come over, it means nothing
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
