Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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