i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
