I wish I only lived at night.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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