you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
