Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
