I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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