why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I AM VODKA MAN
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
