Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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