and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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