Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
