Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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