I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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