There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
