the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
