I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
What a dumb baby whore.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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