Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
