You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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