Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
my liver is dry heaving
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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