What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
