If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
