This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
