Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
