I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize