I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
