Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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