i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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