he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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