I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
