god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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