he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
