You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
