I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize