He had one of those small greek statue penises
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
