Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
