I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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