my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize