Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
