Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize