Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
what day is it and did you see me today?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
