if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
