I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
