I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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