Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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