the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
