id be glad to
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
