Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
