Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
