She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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