So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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