The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
