he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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