Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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