Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
