Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
