I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
