My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
