careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize