Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
