Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
