He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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