? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
