All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
